Friday, August 20, 2010

Thinking About My Past and the Future

I don't know if its because we're parents or if I'm just starting to feel old (hey I'm going to be 27 soon that's kinda old right?!?!) or maybe I still don't really feel my age yet. I'm not sure of the reasoning, but I've been thinking about my past. Wondering if this is the future I had envisioned for myself, is this where I wanted to be at this point in my life? Its so weird to look back on the goals we had and the dreams we use to dream, but as I think about it, it may not be exactly where I thought I'd be but I'm not unhappy with it either by any means.

At this point in my life I always thought I'd have a degree and be working in that field, but I'm not. I joined the Air Force instead and went in a different direction for awhile. It is definitely not a decision that I regret, but am actually quite happy about. Without that path in life I wouldn't have some of the most amazing people in my life. I seriously have built the most amazing family around myself and couldn't ask for a better one (I love you guys!). Without that path I wouldn't have this amazing man that I'm married to or this amazing little guy that we are honored to call our son. Seriously to have a child like him is truly an honor! He is beautiful beyond belief and the happiest little man I have ever met in my life. I really couldn't imagine life without him.

I am in school and about half way done with my degree. I am super excited about that, but at the same time I don't know if I'll ever use my degree. I had big plans of what my future would hold and had always thought that I'd be a working woman and not necessarily a stay at home mom (although I always wanted a child, but to be a working mom of course), but now I can't imagine not being here and seeing that amazing little person grow! I even want more children! Lots more children! I'd love and be honored to have four more amazing children in our home (the hubby says two more so we shall see what the future holds) and I'd love to stay home with all of them. I'd love to take them to school, to ball practice, dance, singing, instrument or whatever else they want to do with their time. I want to learn to make beautiful cakes for each of their special events and birthdays!

Its amazing to see that these goals can change so gradually over the years and then all at once when you hold your child for the first time. I feel so lucky and privileged to be able to stay at home and not have to work. I love cooking dinner and making our home a home everyday for when my hubby gets off work. I love seeing my hubby's face light up and my son's when he walks in the door. Its all these little things that so many overlook daily that I'm just soaking in and enjoying every minute of it. I love that I can still see my husband's eyes light up when he walks in the door or finds me in a crowd. I love that my son reaches for me, sleeps on my chest, and lights up when I sing him his favorite song. Its these small beautiful things that I look forward to each day now. Its strange that I don't strive to be that crazy workaholic I longed to be when I was a teenager, but I truly and thoroughly enjoy this life. The simiplicity of it. The loving nature of it.

If you knew me at all its probably weird for you to think of me as a stay at home mom and to even think I'm content in this new role in my life. Maybe when my child(ren) are in school I'll work again. Until then I will cherish every last minute with them and my hubby until they move out on their own. I guess maybe I've truly grown up.


The Longs in Italy.... said...

I feel exactly the same way! I use to think that my career would be the most important thing in my life. BOY WAS I WRONG!
And indeed, cherish these moments! I love being able to be the one to teach my child everything he learns in these first few years of life and to get to see him do everything for the first time, not the second or third! To me I look at it as you only have ONE chance to be a mom for each child. The career can wait! Plus, I worked in a daycare once and when I became a mom I knew that is not where I wanted my child to be. But I know not everyone gets the option of staying home and I hate that! And then I honestly think some can't handle being home all day, it is not for everyone. BUT I do know one thing! To me it is the best, most rewarding and most important job I will ever have!
I am so happy to hear how much you love and adore that cute baby boy of yours! I have never met you in person but I can tell just from your blog that you are a wonderful mom!

Now an Air Force Wife and Mommy!! said...

Thank you! I try to be the best mom I can to my little one and I hope its a good one! I would love to have at least for more children! I'd love five my hubby is in agreement to three so far LOL. I'm sure he'll change his mind though because of how much he loves this little man!